30 April 2011

Z is for Zap! You’re Dead.

There is one creature on this planet that I despise.  I would love to rid the world of it as it offers nothing of value other than being fodder for creatures higher up the food chain.

It is the deadliest creature known to man, and yet it can fit tightly inside the palm of your hand.  No, it’s not a spider or a very small tiger.  It’s a mosquito, and the death and misery it brings is unmatched by anything on this planet.

Malaria infects 250 million people per year – that’s over 4% of the entire human population!  One million of those infected every year die.  One in every five children that die in Africa, die from malaria.  That means every 30 seconds, a child dies from malaria.  And the female Anopheles mosquito is the carrier of this terrible parasite.

I am lucky to live in a city just below the malaria belt.  But that fact plays no role in tempering my hatred for these creatures.  They keep you awake while you are trying to sleep; they melt into the background while you are trying to track them; they hide against dark furniture while you try to stalk them; and they silently attack you while you sit peacefully enjoying a summer night on the patio.

I dislike insect repellents. They smell, asphyxiate you and leave your skin feeling dry and pasty. Over the years, I’ve dreamt up countless inventions to kill mosquitos, but I recently came across the most awesome mosquito destruction weaponry this world has ever seen.  I present to you… the mosquito racket of doom:


It’s a piece of perfectly-balanced Chinese engineering. The plastic handle creaks solidly in your palm.  The button of death a thumb’s twitch away.  The racket head, lashed with wires of instant death and primed to energise any mosquito into an instant flash of blue light and a toasty burning mist.

Nothing is more satisfying than, in the darkness of your room just as sleep is descending, reaching over to the side of the bed, picking up your trusty weapon, and waving it slowly in the air until you hear that beautiful snap and the room lights up momentarily in a blue blaze and silence returns once more.

Silence.  Peace.  Now I can sleep.  The A-Z challenge is over.

Z is for Zap! You’re Dead.


  1. I believe that I should receive some sort of award for presenting you with your weapon of doom?

  2. LOL. Yeah; I totally agree here.


  3. One thing I like about where I live in Los Angeles is that I rarely experience mosquitoes. When I do encounter them they are huge and easy to kill. I maybe see 3 a year if that many. Sure is a change from the way it used to be back East.

    Congratulations on making it to the end of the alphabet with us. Hope we didn't zap you as I see you haven't blogged much since. I've been kind of behind myself. Good luck with your future blogging efforts.

    Tossing It Out